9:11am

5/20/20

#21

Would I still be blogging if I was the only person on this Earth? I’m not too sure… Probably not, to be honest. So how can I change this so I’m writing for myself? Not for this “imaginary audience”? Let’s start now.

Who do I want to be? What do I want to see in myself? I want to be confident. Comfortable with myself. I want to walk around my peers, having them look at me and admire me, and I know they all are jealous. But of course I’m humble, so I don’t say anything about it. I pretend not to notice. I want to come out of quarantine a better person. And have people regret their choices in quarantine. So then they start picking up their act after seeing me. I want to be able to love – my friends, the people around me, and my family (the hardest and scariest one) and love without limits because there’s so much goodness in me. I’m not searching for it anywhere, it just comes from my heart without end. I want to be able to do fun things but also scary things that will leave me an even better person. I want to finally be okay with who I am, and then bless so many people’s lives. I want people to know my name, but not in a bitchy way or anything.

All this stuff is so glorious to me. I just want my name to mean glory. That’s pretty conceited if you ask me. Where do my intentions and motivations lie? Will I die happy knowing people know my name? No I will not.

Kiubon