#181
10.15.21
10:04am
After 18, you’ve spent 90% of your time with your parents – according to Tim Urban. So when you visit home, be with them, sit with them, eat with them. They raised you. Yes, poorly. And yes you will still be with them. Yes they are fucked up in a lot of ways. You are too. And you will be as a parent. We didn’t get to choose our parents or what kind of home we lived in, so from now on, we will great something better.
Kiubon
#180
10.13.21
12:16pm
If you need to book an appointment, send an email, buy something on amazon, do it now. Don’t wait for when it’s too late and you wish you already did it. If you can do something in two minutes, do it now.
Kiubon
#179
10.12.21
7:51am
You are entitled to the labor. You are not entitled to the fruits of your labor – according to Steven Pressfield. The prize is already doing the work. You have everything you need. If you’re reading this, you probably have friends, family, a roof, a job, food. If you’re lacking any, go get it. Don’t prioritize impressing those girls or completing that useless puzzle. Get your needs, do the work. That’s your prize. Then ship your work.
Kiubon
#178
10.11.21
9:34am
Being a filmmaker doesn’t define you. Being a writer doesn’t define you. An entrepreneur, teacher, even an artist, whatever, it doesn’t define you. You get in a car crash and you lose both your hands. Now what? How am I supposed to paint? How am I supposed to type? Being a human being defines you. Love defines you. How you care for the people around you defines you. Are you a wad of shit? Or do you serve humbly with love? That defines you. Win an Oscar, win a Pulitzer, great. Come back home and your children hate you. You’ve fucked up. Define yourself by how you treat others and how you treat yourself. Not by what you do.
Kiubon
#177
10.10.21
10:40am
I missed a day yesterday because of habit stacking. I created my habit of blogging as soon as I went into the office. Because of the weekend, I didn’t go in the office, thus no blog. Habit stacking is when you create a habit right after another habit. After I brush my teeth, I will do 10 pushups. Something like that. I will meditate before lunch. Etc.
Kiubon
#176
10.8.21
7:53am
Learn a another language. Familiarize yourself with other countries. Travel. Your bubble is too small. The world is too big. See with your eyes all the different sights, skin colors, grocery stores. Taste the cuisine and flavor. Expand your world view. Learn from others. Become a better person – a citizen of the world.
Kiubon
#175
10.7.21
8:27am
Why do I want to go to grad school? For the
Why do I want community with like minded people? Because life is sweeter with people who understand you and people you understand. How will I get out of my comfort zone and meet people unlike me? Meet the locals of each country.
Why do I want to live in Europe? Because when you’re plopped in a place without all the answers, you are bound to grow. Then I can practice my language skills.
Why do I want accountability to make films? That way I won’t become lazy and complacent with making art and shipping work.
Why do I want a master’s degree to go into teaching? That way I might be able to find a job at a High school or community college, maybe even more prestigious, and teach my craft and impact students lives, which is something I’ve always wanted to do.
Why do you want easy access to European Film Festivals. There are many prestigious film festivals in Europe that I could go to, submit films to, without having to fly across the pond. And it seems like they’re less cut throat than USA FFs.
Why does it matter that there will be no cost, and you can make some money? Then I won’t have to dip into my savings and pay $21k for a master’s degree. I would be grossed out if I had to pay this much. So money is a huge factor. If it’s free, and I can pocket some money, then I won’t have to worry. Plus the standard of living is less in certain cities.
Why do you want to film European weddings? That way I can actually make my company into a Destination Wedding company. It’ll be less of a burden to shoot weddings for free if I’m already in Europe. And get more work, create relationships with planners, and then I can live off that income and only shoot like maybe 10 a year. That’s at least 50k and I can live off that as one person. I’m doing fine and saving a bunch with 33k a year.
Why do I want to learn more about myself through docs and formal education? Because there’s so much room to grow. I am not that comfortable in my own skin. Although I am getting more and more. Learning about psychoanalysis from my college professor was very enjoyable. I like self help, and getting better at my craft and learning more might lay down some steps so I can be okay with myself. At least hit a baseline, and then maybe pursue something spiritually.
Why does it matter that you’re young and you can afford two years if it ends up sucking? It won’t suck because of radical acceptance, responsibility and meditation. And it doesn’t matter if I’m young or not. It only matters that I’m not dead. So therefore I should pursue this so I can come out as a 25 year old, different, changed, wiser, more patient, empathetic, resilient, stronger, funnier. 25 years is half of my twenties. Wow. That is frigthening. And also exciting. Where will I go after the Masters? Stay in Europe? (lol I know @ marie and sunny) or go back to the States? Will I be in talks of some feature docs? Or narrative stuff? Everything can change. I might hate docs at that point and want to do animation or children’s books or writing, or DP or narrative. Who knows! It’s all so exciting. There’s so much randomness in this world that could make me laugh at this blogpost in two years. I’m grateful. So grateful. Fingers crossed to the moon that I get in. Thanks for reading.
Kiubon
#174
7:40am
10.6.21
You are worth more than you think. Ask for a raise – more money. You deserve it. When you get the money, work harder, make better art, do the emotional labor. Then ask for more money. Soon you’ll realize it was never about the money. It’s always about the art.
Kiubon
#173
10.5.21
7:58am
Start your morning or end your day with gratitude. Write down three things you’re grateful for. Yes it’s cheesy. Yes contrived. And yes it works. In times of stress, look around at what you’re grateful for. If you’re reading this, you’re fucking lucky, alive, well off. Be grateful. I know it’s hard. Good things in life are hard.
Kiubon
#172
10.4.21
7:42am
When was the last time you sat alone in a room and just let your mind wander? Spend some time with your thoughts. Think about your dreams, your childhood friends, your entire life, your family, your favorite movies, anything. Sit, let your mind explore that vastness that is being alive. Maybe you’ll come to a conclusion or two. Here are mine:
I am grateful for everything in my life. All the moments I’ve labelled as “good” or “bad”. I am grateful for them all.
It’s all invented. We have the power to change the narrative and structure the story.
Go sit and think.
There is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so – Shakespeare.
Kiubon
#171
10.3.21
7:51am
Every morning do the same routine. Make your bed, have a coffee, journal, meditate, blog, drink a glass of water. Whatever it is, do it every single day. Yes you will miss some days. Yes you will forget some things. That’s okay. Win the morning, win the day. Do not pick up your phone and start scrolling. Do not check email. Do not be a slave to what’s around you. Rather be a master of your morning. Wake up, jump out of bed, do five pushups, whatever, set your intention, ground yourself. You dictate how you feel each day, so if you pick up your phone and start pressing Instagram stories, you will feel FOMO, you will compare yourself, you will be lazy, dull, not special. Which is true, you’re not, right now. Do a morning a routine and see what changes.
Kiubon
#171
10.2.21
6:49pm
Make good art. You won’t make it everyday. You can do a little every day. Good art moves you, makes you feel something, makes you think deeply. Watching Do Not Split about the Hong Kong Riots really fucked me up. Make art that moves people. Because in the process, your soul will move too. Good art is hard to come by. Be a good artist.
Kiubon
#170
10.1.21
7:57am
Do The Emotional Labor. Say hi even when you’re scared. Smile even when you don’t like the look of them. Treat them like a human being because that’s what you are. Find a reason to care for them because you deserve care too. Do the emotional labor, not necessarily because you want emotional labor too, but because they deserve it and that is what being human is. Or, sit on your couch, eat your potato chips, hang up the phone with aggression, and watch the world burn.
Kiubon
#169
9/30/21
7:41am
Stop complaining. Do the work. Nobody will hand you a prize. Do the work and find the prize within yourself. Every time you complain, you agree with your shitty situation instead of putting in the work to solve it. Here’s to sitting on your couch like the sack of chips you’re eating and watching your stomach turn into cancer. Congrats. You’re a plus size fuck up. Or you could do the work. Sit down. Fuck Resistance. Shove the chips away. And watch yourself grow. Be proud of yourself. Develop confidence. Love yourself. Do the work.
Kiubon
#168
11:16a
9.29.21
Do the work. Do the practice. Ship ship ship. I am back. Let’s get to 200 entries.
Every day. Entry every day. Fuck being comfortable. This is growth. Writing is growth.
Kiubon