#269

3.7.22

11:55a

It’s my fourth time here in Paris. Four times! It’s like that quote where you stop into a river and it’s never the same river because either you change or the river changes. Compared to the first three times, I am already growing and changing. And the third time was one week ago. It’s refreshing to walk through a city and appreciate the nooks and crannies. Before I wasn’t really “seeing” anything. I understand why Paris is the tourism capital of the world. It’s beautiful, fun, exciting, visceral.

Here’s to more Paris trips and continuing to grow !

Kiubon

#268

3.4.22

4:15p

Still Woozy concert in Berlin has been rescheduled to November. I was blasting his music right before I learned the news. Shit. Automatically felt like shit.

I was looking forward to this like crazy. Sure, I’d have a great time and I might be able to make the November show. But on my deathbed, will I be thinking of the still woozy concert in 2022? Probably not.

So just like I wrote in a previous post, when faced with a stimulus, we can choose our response. Here’s to being flexible. Here’s to doing something else in Berlin that I might actually remember on my deathbed.

Till November, Still Woozy

Kiubon

#267

3.3.22

3:30pm

#267

There was a father and daughter at the Arlon Train Station. Only 30,000 people live in Arlon, Belgium so I immediately felt an affinity with them. My ears always perk up when I hear American accents.

I was going to go up to them and start talking because, you know, we’re the only Americans here. But I didn’t because I got scared – of a father and his nine year old daughter.

He made a joke about how he’s a bad father and his daughter replied, “a crappy dad wouldn’t be bringing me to parrrisssss.”

I hope it stays that way forever.

Kiubon

#266

2.28.22

10:14p

It’s very hard to walk up to random strangers and ask to sleep in their house.

Kiubon

#265

2.27.22

11:27a

I’m amazing people stop their cars and drive me somewhere. Starting in Nantes, me and Paul-Antoine took three cars to Le Mans. And then one car to Paris. All by hitchhiking. We couldn’t find a last car towards Brussels so we took a BlaBlaCar.

I’m amazed at these people and their kindness. They don’t know me. I don’t know them. Yet they decide to trust. I’ve never once felt unsafe in a random person’s car.

Kiubon

#264

2.26.22

1:16p

Acne started showing up around 7th grade. “Don’t worry, it’s puberty”, I thought. Welp. It’s still here. It’s been ten years. What the fuck. I’ve tried taking pills which helped a little. I tried washing it away which didn’t work. And I tried changing what I ate which seems to be the biggest catalysts. But all these fucking sweets and chocolate croissants all over France are proving harder to shake than a porn addiction. Will I finish this blogpost and go straight to the kitchen counter 12 feet away and eat more sweets?

Acne makes me feel insecure. It makes me feel unqualified. It dampens my positive self talk.

So what the fuck am I doing to make it better?

The reason I can write about this “publicly” is because I’ve told one person about this website, and I doubt he will read this.

So here we are, ten years later with even more acne, maybe even less self control in some aspects and more in others.

Let’s leave acne in 2022.

Kiubon

#263

2.25.22

10:59a

I’ve been wearing the same shirt the past month and a half. I have 60 more days with this shirt. Not complaining. Just saying. Travel stretches us. I’m probably going to do this in “real world” too. I’m tired. I don’t know what to write. I don’t want to complain because clearly I’m so lucky to be here.

Faster alone, further together.

I’m currently travelling with Paul Antoine who’s been in bed the whole morning. Before we left for our trip yesterday, we stopped for granola bars. And then stopped again for cigarettes. He gets hungry faster than me, I worry about his spirit when we cars pass us by, his smile is not as bright as me. We do not have the same qualities travel qualities.

But maybe we will actually make it to brussels. That’s the goal. Maybe we will.

Kiubon

#262

2.22.22

1:34p

Yes I ate bread. I binged 8 pain au chocolates. 6 of which were in 10 minutes. I’m tired of lacking self control. Fuck this. fuck bread. fuck sweets.

Kiubon

#261

2.21.22

I need to stop eating bread. I will stop eating bread.

Kiubon

#261

2.20.22

10:49p

I’m at my old host family’s house – where I studied abroad – having an amazing time. It’s been more than two years since I’ve seen them. After I leave, I’m not sure when I will see them again. If I’m swamped with life and so are they, or something else more tragic happens, then this is the only time I have guaranteed with them. That means make the most of it! Yes cliche. And yes true.

Kiubon

#260

2.18.22

2:53p

I was losing a lot of weight because I was eating so little. And the portions are small. Then I got to Clermont-Ferrand and went a little crazy with the pain au chocolats. Now I’m gaining weight. Lol insecurities. More first world problems coming your way.

Kiubon

#259

2.17.22

3:08p

I dropped my phone again and now the screen is going haywire. There’s a Morgan Spurlock quote that goes something like, “Once you go fancy, fancy goes broke.” My computer is degrading. My $2200 camera that I just bought, didn’t stop recording when I wanted it to. Which led to the loss of a really good long clip I would have 100% used in the documentary. So yes we use our money to buy these expensive things and they break. Oh well.

Kiubon

#258

2.16.22

11:23p

Sometimes I have to remind myself there’s not really much to fear during this trip. Even when I didn’t have a place to stay in Perpignan. I have money in my bank account. I can charge my credit card and have a month to pay it. I have $1k in my emergency fund. So why be scared when talking to someone? Why worry about not finding a ride? I can take the train which is far more comfortable and peaceful. Why worry about making a surface level doc when I get dare more and feel more and do more?

Kiubon

#257

2.14.22

6:07p

I’m getting comfortable here in Bordeaux, which makes me feel like a burden to this family. So I should leave soon. But I don’t wanna leave soon because then I’ll be uncomfortable again. And I’ve been uncomfortable for so much of this trip (which is actually a good thing cause of growth). So off to Saint-Jeans-de-Monts to meet new strangers, sleep in a new bed, new city, new everything. Can’t stay for comfortable for too long! Always have to keep growing.

Kiubon

#256

2.13.22

4:37p

Sometimes when the travel gets hard and lonely I remind myself how novel my situation is. In Montpellier, waiting for Marie to be done with school, so I go hang with her and her French friends, I went to a park to get some exercise. There were some teenagers sitting on the public ping pong tables, smoking cigarettes. An Arab man laughing with his friend over a video call. Children were playing on the playground.

At first I was a little scared people would watch me, but who the fuck actually cares about their opinions? So I took my shoes and socks off and started jumping rope. Here I was in Montpellier, the south of France, jumping rope with golf pants and the only t shirt I brought. Where am I?

Moments like this remind me, I will probably never come to this park ever again and jump rope under the guise of random Frenchies. So appreciate it. Stop caring about what other people think of you.

Moments like these aren’t as fun as clubbing in Madrid with your new hostel friends or as shitty as sleeping in a hostel hallway because you don’t wanna pay. But they’re special nonetheless. Because I’m in Europe, like the privileged American I am, jumping rope in a small ass European park in the middle of the city.

Kiubon