#345
1.10.23
8:27p
A documentary, maybe a short, about the Helper community in Hong Kong. How they’re underpaid, shipped from SE Asia. How all of them sit on cardboard boxes all over the city on the weekends. Also an exploration of the “public karaoke phenomenon” where they just sing and nobody listens.
Kiubon
#344
1.9.23
11:01p
There are no such thing as relationship problems. They are all human problems, according to Mark Manson.
So as I examine why I code switch when talking to certain people, I think, what is wrong with me?
Why am I changing myself? What am I believing about myself that causes me to act this way?
Bleh
Kiubon
#343
1.7.23
I live with a French family here in Hong Kong. I share a bathroom with a 16 year old girl, and tonight she brought home a group of friends. I had just finished eating some bok choy and roast duck, when they all came out of her room, speaking fast french, laughing, followed by some sushing. I didn’t dare go wash my plate. The bones just sat there, simmering in the used napkins. I just locked myself in my room, even had to go to the bathroom, but I kept tight.
Sometimes you’re scared. And you recognize it. How irrational it is. And you don’t do anything about it. I’m paying 6000 HKD a month for rent. Yes I’m entitled to the bathroom whenever I want. But sometimes a group of 16 year or old girls, you’re afraid of their judgment, what they will think of you, and even scarier, if they ask you a question.
I know it’s so dumb. They finally left, so I went to pee.
Kiubon
#342
1.5.23
8:05p
I met this little girl, adopted from China by an English couple. The girl’s accent was so thick. It was really funny to see an Asian toddler speak with such a British accent.
She was maximizing all the fun she could have before her parents put her to bed. That meant playing with the other “kids” in the room, which happened to be me, a 23 year old, and a 30 year old.
All giggly, she laid out the ground rules: “I’m going to run, and you’re going to chase me.”
I was astonished. I realized that’s exactly what relationships should be: clear, specific, communication. What if she just started running? I wouldn’t know what to do. Is she going to hide for hide and seek? Is she going to a spot to start counting? Is she going to get blankets for a fort? What if she just yelled “tag!”? I could walk around, half heartedly playing with her. No! She said “I’m going to run, and you’re going to chase me.” She told me she was going to run! And wanted me to chase her!
This is textbook communication.
“I’m going to buy you flowers, and I hope it pleases you.”
“I’m going to do the dishes, while you fold the laundry.”
“I’m upset you were late to pick up the kids, while I was stuck with your mother-in-law.”
You learn so much from one sentence from a little girl.
Kiubon
#341
1.4.23
12:33p
Similar to the movie Unfriended, a movie that takes place on a zoom screen, getting to meet the characters, through breakout rooms, group discussion, etc. Will have to somehow keep audience engaged like a Richard Linklater movie, very dialogue heavy. And also like that Norwegian short I watched at Clermont-Ferrand ’22 about the couple talking on a cliff.
Kiubon
#340
1.3.23
9:47a
Looking through some of these old entries is painful. The writing is so bland, boring, and sucky.
Who cares.
I’m not writing for anyone. I’m getting through the bad writing to find the good writing.
So if you’re reading this and you think it sucks, good.
Keep coming back for crappy writing and you might get a good entry here and there.
Kiubon
#339
1/2/23
10:57a
Documentary Idea: For my kids. Create a feature length (or short) doc of every year of my child’s life. At year 1, it’ll be more interviews of parents (me + wife) and some more comical “interviews” of the one year old. Content will drastically change + quality as they grow up and technology advances. Some will be only interesting for the family. Some will be more marketable and for film festivals. You won’t need context of other films to watch. If it enters the zeitgeist, people will talk about their favorite “age”. If kid wants to be a filmmaker, they can also pick it up post 18. Some will be mundane and suck to represent that age.
Kiubon
#338
One of my new years resolutions this year is to blog everyday.
One prompt is an idea for a movie/story everyday. Here is my first one:
We follow the life of a creative who wants to be a professional bass player but instead chooses the business life to make money. They eventually end up over committing to the business life and loses themself in the process. The audience goes through ebbs and flows of loving and hating the protagonist.
Of course you gotta get through the crappy ideas to find the good ones. Maybe a better one tomorrow.
Kiubon
#337
There will be some boys who will go downstairs on Christmas day with no presents.
Maybe they’ll say hi to their mom, maybe they won’t. It’ll be a regular day. It might be snowing outside, but it won’t matter to them.
They’ll hit the power button on their computer or Xbox and wait for the game to load. They’ll play for three hours and not remember any of it. At the end of the game, they’ll say “good game” and “Merry Christmas” on voice chat. And the other boys will say it back. That will be the only one they hear that day. Their heart yearns for intimacy and a Merry Christmas from a stranger playing a video game is the only semblance that today is a holiday.
They’ll eat some dinner. Maybe his parents will say it then, trying to reach out. But he’ll ignore it or just let the words float in the air, since the damage is done. He’ll have to grow up and wait for when it’s just beyond too late to start the process of having real Christmas days with his family. And until then, he’ll keep playing video games, and as much as he likes it, he’ll wait for the day when he has an excuse not to.
Kiubon
#336
11/30/22
9:19a
There’s a dad and his son eating McDonalds together in the TPE airport. He bought him a breakfast bagel that’s way to large him for him. He’ll probably finish it too since this is a treat. They don’t talk. He takes big bites. He drinks from his large soda. The dad taps away at his computer.
Stuff like this reminds me of me and my father like crazy. We never ate McDonalds together in a Taiwanese airport, but he used to buy me hash browns as a gift. That’s all he could afford. I would nibble on it slowly as he drove back to our townhouse. Sometimes it was so hot, the paper melted with the potato.
One night, sharing a bedroom with my older brother, I was reflecting on my mom and dad fighting. I knew they hated each other, but I didn’t want him to leave, because then who would buy me hash browns?
I got to go to Taiwan, a place my dad has been. My dad has been here. I tell myself, as I binge on 7/11 pastries and exploit my privilege.
One day, I’ll be across from my son, eating McDonalds. And we’ll be talking. I swear to you, we’ll be talking.
Kiubon
#335
11.17.22
8:26a
What was one thing yesterday that I learned or progressed on that will influence me today?
Yesterday at counseling, I learned that I am codependent. I am not okay unless you are okay. Today, I will see the way I interact with people and not apply that mindset. I will make sure my needs are met in a healthy way and also address their needs, without being codependent.
Kiubon
#334
11.4.22
11:46a
Sometimes deep down I think blogging will make me famous. Or successful. Or really really rich. Those are all huge stretches, yet it brings me to write another blog post. I know nobody really reads these. I really don’t “care”. Reading old blog posts from 3 years ago is such a treat. That should be enough, right? Loving the process?
Kiubon
#334
10:16p
11.1.22
A dude at BJJ told me today, “I can deadlift your entire family.” I’ve never heard anything like that. Creativity in insults, is where humor is. Creativity in all things! Is what makes life. FUNNY.
How can I make this more creative?
this
doing
by
maybe?
If I had more time, I would think of more ideas.
Kiubon
#333
10.31.22
12:47p
Yesterday, me and a friend went to Ocean Park, a theme park in HK, to ride some rollercoaster rides for two hours before they closed. We ran into a group of three friends, wearing hat middle finger costumes. A hat that looks like a middle finger and you wear it on your face. They taught me a cantonese bad word, the worst one. And didn’t want to walk to the cable car with us, even though they were going the same way. Maybe they were afraid of being vulnerable with strangers. I totally get it. So you just smack the eject button and go back on your couch with the chips.
Kiubon
#332
10.28.22
11:36a
According to John Mark Comer, the older you get while following Jesus leads to peace with God. Not peace in the sense that, “everything’s gonna work out.” Because it clearly doesn’t for some people. (stoned to death, crucified, thrown in prison, etc etc, we have it easy in the US). Peace in the sense, wherever you take me God, you will make it favorable for your kingdom. Which might mean, okay go stand in a corner while I throw rocks at you until you’re bleeding out of your ears. Or it’s might mean, stay here in this high school until you’re old and still single, and love them.
Nothing really fazes you anymore. You don’t care much about judgement of others. Because you’re His.
Now how do you get there? How do you get intimate with God? How do you know it’s truth so you dedicate your life to it?
That’s the biggest, and hardest question in my life right now.
Kiubon
