#361

5.10.23

3:05p

There’s a boy at the Singapore zoo holding a plush snake his mom just bought for him. It was probably expensive. His mom probably didn’t want to buy it for him. She has bills to pay. But he looks kinda happy. He’s playing with the tail and head, feeding it into each other. But soon he’ll throw it in the corner of his room, replaced with some other toy. And he might dig it up years later, not remembering much about his time at the night Safari, but finding a solid emblem of yes his mother loved him when he was younger.

Kiubon

#360

4.21.23

7:05p

Here’s what I would do if I got 100k to make a documentary about my dad:

I would immediately reach back out to my VA, scheduling a call to assign him lots of work. I would reach out to a new VA to take up the other half of my work.

I would put $50,000 into a high yield saving account to earn interest while I work on pre and post production.

I would ask my friend Hunter to be my producer.

I would storyboard, write a script, and preproduce as much as I can. I would ask my film mentors for help.

After shooting, I would spend $25,000 for coloring, sound mixing, sound designing, and editing. The rest of the $25,000 would be for marketing and distribution if needed.

Hopefully this film will do well in prestigious film festivals, garnering a name for myself and for the brand.

I would start a company (name already picked) focusing on small crew documentary filmmaking. Selling the films we make would be the main source of income. We wouldn’t get that much at first, so that’s why I have the full time job to fall back on, essentially making me passive income. I would start crews in strategic cities around the world to adopt the brand into their culture to make films. Bangalore, Paris, Rio, Shanghai, Seoul, Tokyo, Moscow, Mexio City, Atlanta, Tehran (of course this would take a long time). As the company scales and grows, more income will come in.

I could also make a company encouraging and empowering regular people to interview their loved ones. The company could be a nonprofit, it could train regular people on basic filmmaking skills, so they could interview the people in their family (like me interviewing my Dad for the feature above). All of these interviews can be compiled into another feature length doc or shown on this company’s platform. It would be boring to random lay people, but fascinating for the people who took the time to interview their loved ones and then everybody in that family and go there to watch. This could also be a podcast.

The company that grants me the $100k would help with accountability, networking, marketing and distribution, entrepreneur training, motivation, and having a platform to promote and publicize.

AI can be used for animation, helping animators with the heavy lifting for the documentaries. AR can be used for the documentary I shot in Europe (shifting with strangers).

Another route with the documentary company is, people can start up their own companies as long as they focus on story and character. And then they would be posted on their respected YT channels and then the big company would repost the really good ones. Just like TEDx and TED.

Kiubon

#359

4.19.23

2:58p

Sometimes when I really don’t want to post on Social Media again for my job, I push away from my desk and slouch in my chair.

I feel like a piece of crap. Then I take a mental step back and think, wait this is my job. I get to post on social media. I get to travel to Japan and film camps. I get to invest in high schoolers.

My mom washed dishes till her hands were raw. My dad delivered Chinese newspapers. Now he delivers Chinese food. My mom works three jobs, still.

So yes this is my job. And I’m so lucky. So blessed. I have it so good. I’m in the 1%

Kiubon

#358

4.11.23

9:48p

For the first time in my life, I have multiple romantic interests. I don’t know how I feel about them. They’re cool. They’re pretty. Not sure if the vibes are there. Yeah maybe we could make it work. We could build a life together after getting to know each other. It would work practically.

But then I got a letter in the mail from somebody else. This is so impractical. This would never work. They’re so far away. They’re still in school! We don’t share the same faith. But I would drop everything to pursue this person. Fricking butterflies.

Shouldn’t the person you spend your life with be like that? Somebody who you wanna drop everything for. Why do we settle? Do we just get so lonely, we reach for the closest thing with skin? Do yourself a favor and your future kids a favor, don’t settle. Catch those butterflies.

Kiubon

#358

4.10.23

7:13p

There’s a boy wearing a Naruto headband waltzing around the subway. This will be the last year he does such a thing. He’s waiting for people to pass around him, so he has room to take a running start to see if he can touch the sign hanging from the ceiling. He swings his arms. He gets it. He doesn’t care what anybody is thinking. If I offered a Naruto headband to my friend just to wear for 5 minutes, they would deny it. 5 minutes! Who is going to remember you wearing a Naruto headband?? They care that much about worthless opinions. The boy on the cusp of growing up reminds me of the joys of childhood.

Kiubon

#357

4.1.23

10:52p

My host sister is throwing a party. I walked up to the front door, heard the music, laughter, talk about boys, you could hear lots of them. I didn’t dare go in.

There’s just some things you can’t do. You recognize you’re a scared little wuss, and say, “okay fear I’ll let you have this one.”

So you walk to the park and read on your phone for 45 minutes under the sprinkling rain and cold wind, only to walk right back up, hear them still partying, and walk back down.

But what if you recognized that fear anyways and opened the door? Waltzed right in, owned it, and said, “don’t let me stop the party. I’m just going to be in my room”, that wouldn’t be so hard, would it?

What if you rose to the occasion? Just like they do in the movies. Be brave anyways.

Wouldn’t you make yourself proud?

Kiubon

#356

My host dad’s flight to France got cancelled. He’s supposed to fly this weekend to visit his dad, The dad is probably not doing the best health wise.

There are lots of strikes in France, right now. Metros, planes, busses, trains, whatever. So they put him on the next flight.

It’ll be frustrating to navigate everything. But it”ll be the best money he spends.

My host dad lives in Hong Kong. That’s so far from France. What if his dad dies? It’ll be the best money he’s ever spent.

Kiubon

#355

3.27.23

3:05p

There’s a man gripping the overhead compartment on my flight. As if it’ll save him if the engine fails. His arm will ache soon, even though the flight is only an hour.

Sometimes in life we need to grip tightly. To feel in control. Other times in life we realize when we relax, the flight’s much smoother. What’s better when you grip tightly? What’s worse when you grip tightly?

Kiubon

#354

2.26.23

9:26a

My mom and dad were fighting again. Only this time, it was big. My mom told us to get in the car, so we all did. And we drove nonstop, for what seemed like hours. There’s no way any of the kids would’ve asked how long we were driving for. There was already a mountain of stress and hurt on my mom.

We showed up at some ladies house, and naturally she offered us food.

“Do you want a BLT?”

I’ve never actually had one of those. Are they only for white people? We humbly accepted, not wanting to be a burden since it seemed like we were going to sleep here tonight. So she made it for us, probably sensing our fear, timidness, confusion.

And we ate. And it was so dry. Oh my gosh. It was so dry. I don’t think we finished it. The bread was dry, the lettuce had no water in it. The tomatoes barely helped. Which made the bacon unappetizing.

I don’t remember how long we stayed there. I remember the lady setting up something on the floor for us to sleep. I don’t think we spoke the same language. I don’t know what went through my mom’s mind. How she would entertain us for, God knows how many days, at this lady’s house?

Thank you lady for your hospitably. This makes me think about showing hospitality and kindness to all we meet. Which is hard because what if they’re weird, socially awkward, gross? But what if my mom showed up to that ladies house with kids that were all those things? Weird, awkward, gross. She wouldn’t have had any choice. And I’m glad she let us in.

I also think about my dad, what was going through his head when his wife up and left with all the kids? A lonely home.

I do remember that BLT. Yes it was dry. And yes she was nice, to some kids that were developing their mother and father wounds, in the process of breaking, and making memories they didn’t think they would remember more than 10 years later.

Kiubon

#353

2.22.23

12:50p

Day 3 of a 7 day fast is really hard

Kiubon

#352

12:55p

2.9.23

Wow: I hung out with my local hong kong Spikeball team till 12:30a last night. The banter, jokes, and crew was all off the charts. And entirely in Cantonese! I love seeing my community grow and my heart for them grow. We’re going to Bali in September for the Spikeball Asia Cup! Remember when we played on the beach? Life was so simple then. Took a BlaBlaCar that didn’t get lost, got some food, played on beach, spent time together as new friends, and easy train back. So unglamorous, with hints of mundane, yet one of of the best days of my life. 

Pow: It seems like my equanimity (ability to stay level headed despite good or bad circumstances) has significantly decreased. I’ve been meditating every day since Jan 2020. So why do I find myself fuming under my breath when I can’t find my friend’s apartment in the maze of Hong Kong? I spent 10 days meditating 10 hours a day at a retreat. Shouldn’t I be better at this? Small complaint. 

Holy Cow: I find myself slowly losing desire for worldly things. Who cares about all these swanky women at the Four Seasons Bar? And that advert of Johnny Depp playing the electric guitar selling some cologne. And gossipping about rich families in Hong Kong who have it better than everyone. Shouldn’t your heart yearn for things that are greater? That please you eternally and won’t wither away? I think, “wow maybe I’m actually growing as a Christian.” Then I think, oh shoot am I just self brainwashing myself? Am I just catering my thoughts and behavior so I fit in better with my community? Which cognitive bias am I buying into now? Yeah who cares about cologne, but I’d really love to spend some money on some camera gear… Bleh. This whole faith thing is hard, but it’s cool to see some semblance of growth/learning

Kiubon

#351

2.1.23

2:15p

Sometimes I see middle aged men and think, “where did all their life go?”

They seem lame, overweight, unaccomplished. I’m critical of this because I fear this will happen to me.

What if I go up to them and ask, “What have you done with your life?”

They might tell me, “I’ve been to Japan, Belarus, and even Lesotho when I was young.”

I’d stay there with a bit of awe.

What if they said, “I’ve road tripped all around Eastern Europe while gathering research for my GPS business.”

Okay that’s a little cooler.

Or what if they say, “I’m 25 year veteran in vispausana meditation, ultra marathoner, and foster dad to 10 kids.”

Now that’s different.

These three scenarios change from going, doing, and being.

I’ve gone here. I’ve done this. I am this.

We should be striving to become someone. Because what’s the point in going to Japan if you only get a thinner wallet and Kyoto keychain?

What’s the point in getting research for your GPS company when all you get is a bit more money?

It all points to becoming someone more levelheaded, perseverant, witty, holy, loving, caring, kind.

So where have I gone? Plenty of places. 17 countries in 2022.

What have I done? Hitchhiked all over Western Europe to make a documentary.

And who am I? That’s what I’m trying to figure out.

Filmmaker? Writer? Brother. Son. Storyteller. Creative. Musician?

Beloved. Funny. Curious. Insecure. Figuring things out.

Kiubon

#350

1.28.23

3:57p

Some days you just feel crappier than other days. Did you sleep enough? Did you eat enough greens? Look through your texts and see who irked you.

What can you do right now that will make you feel a little better?
Walk to the store and buy an apple.
Watch a funny youtube video. Just one.
Chug some water.
Hit the gym.
Play your happy playlist and jam out.
Cold shower.
Do something generous for someone.

So many things you can do. If you continue to pout and do nothing, you’re compounding bad habits that will fill you with regret when you’re older.

Kiubon

#349

11:26a

1.27.23

There are men in suits walking around the mall I’m in. They work above in some office with a decent a view.

I wonder if they like their job. I wonder if they must work in finance for now, to set up the rest of their life.

Maybe I’m extrapolating because I’m unsure myself, for my own career in the creative field.

Am I willing to put 10 years in for a moment of glory everybody will forget about but me? So I’m forced to retell the same story with false embellishments so some people care? Not sure dude.

Kiubon

#348

1.21.23

8:35p

You know when you sing along to the radio, you sound pretty dang good. Your voice perfectly matches to the artist’s. You’re grooving. Until you turn off the radio, and now it’s just you singing. You realize you actually sound bad.

That’s the same with everything you do. Or at the very least, a lot of what you do. Your golf swing is actually pretty cooked. If you examine your thoughts about your mother, they’re more deprecating than affirming. You probably found your hand in the cookie jar more than not.

If a camera crew followed literally everybody around, you’d realize everybody just sucks.

Then you realize nobody really cares… Yes everybody sucks. And it doesn’t really matter.

You actually suck at singing, but you’re going to sing anyways. You’re going to keep swinging. You’re going to try and love your mother better.

Anyways, there’s no point turning off the radio!

Kiubon